Lazy WHF husband constantly criticizes how his highly-educated wife homeschools their 2 kids, yanks pencils out of their hands and yells at her for having dishes in the sink: 'He has made our homeschool a living nightmare'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Sep 20, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Imagine being a student at an elementary school where the principal always looks over your shoulder, yells at your teacher, and tells her that she's not doing her job right. It would be just as horrific for the teacher who is simply trying to give her students a good education. What can she do in that situation? That is what an anonymous homeschooling mom is going through in her own home. Her husband, who likens himself to a kind of principal but can't even hype himself up to put in 8 hours at his work-from-home laptop job, constantly criticizes how she homeschools her kids. This woman is taking care of every chore in the house, successfully educating two elementary schoolers in math and reading, and holds a master's degree in education. She shared her story to r/homeschool, and anyone who reads it will know just how nefarious her husband is.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10406467072
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)
  • 02
    My depressed WFH husband makes it impossible to homeschool.
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 03
    This is our fifth year homeschooling, we started when COVID hit and my daughter was in preschool. My husband, who has worked from home since COVID, was initally enthusiastic and supportive of homeschooling our children, and every year when we talk about it, he agrees to another year of homeschool. But over the past year, he has started to make it impossible to for me to teach effectively.
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 04
    My husband hates his current job, and will spend days not doing his work. I don't think he cares if he gets fired. I've told him before that he should just quit, and find a less stressful job. I think he is extremely depressed, extremely burnt out, in dealing with work politics, a not-great boss, and coworker infighting, and instead of doing his work in his bedroom like he's supposed to, he is either watching youtube or restlessly finding problems around the house to "fix" so that he can avoid d
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 05
    He doesn't like that I let the kids sleep in until 8:30--or even sometimes 9! He doesn't like that we do our morning read-alouds in our pajamas. He doesn't like that sometimes my daughter whines and drags her feet about doing math. He disapproves of the amount of walks and nature studies we do. We go to a great co-op twice a week--he thinks it's a waste of time and money. We should have more discipline. We should be working at desks instead of at the coffee table. Watercolors are a waste of time
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 06
    MY KIDS ARE LEARNING. I have a master's degree in education and another degree in English. They are doing great--both public teacher mom friends and homeschool mom friends tell me so. My son is reading well above grade level and doing higher level math. My daughter has ADHD and dyslexia but is grade level reading, and slightly below grade level in math. She is being privately tutored in math to catch up. They are bright, curious, interested in everything, funny, happy kids. But in my husband's p
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 07
    There is literally NOTHING I do that he actually approves of right now. I'm not spending enough hours teaching. We do too many extra curriculars. I don't keep the house clean enough. I don't make his meals healthy enough. Mind you, never once has he actually bothered to grocery shop, meal plan, cook a meal, wash a dish, vaccum, sweep the floor, clean the litter box, scrub the toilet, walk the dog. And when we had babies, I could count on my hand the number of times he changed a diaper.
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 08
    He barges out of his room as soon as he hears us working and hovers over us, telling me how to do this and yanking pencils out of my hand and berating me for having dishes in the sink and shouting at the children until they cry. He has made our homeschool a living nightmare. He has made our kids cry every day for the past three days. My daughter can't even focus on her schoolwork when my husband is in the room, and I don't blame her. She falls apart the second I pull out a worksheet because she
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 09
    He has to drive in to work once a week, and on those days, it's like my kids and I finally can breathe a sigh of relief, and we have wonderful days again. My husband won't even eat dinner with us. He wants me to bring him his plate so he can eat it in bed. And aside from going to work one day most weeks (not all), HE NEVER LEAVES THE HOUSE. Not to go to the store. Not to see friends. He just does not leave. He is always here. Not doing his work!!!!
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 10
    The thing is, my husband couches all his tirades and lectures and "improvements" as a loving kindness done to me and them. He says the kids need more discipline or they'll never function in the real world. THEY ARE SIX AND EIGHT. Reading their chapter books in pjs is not going to keep them from functioning in society. They are in cub scouts and girl scouts! My daughter has more community service hours this year than my husband has ever put in! However, I am trying to meet him halfway and get the
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 11
    He won't actually talk to me about any of these things. He shuts down or explodes if I try to bring up any concerns. He refuses to look at the kids' schoolwork to actually see how they're doing. He just yells at me that they should only ever be writing on lined paper (I was using Spelling-U- See and he didn't think the word-blocks looked "rigorous" enough) and grading every paper assignment (I use IXL daily).
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 12
    He was really supportive of homeschool for the first few years. But now he acts like I'm the most slovenly, negligent mother who ever existed. Our circumstances never changed--he's always worked from home, and the kids have always been occasionally rambunctious, as kids are--I really don't think we're keeping from concentrating on his work, because when we're out of the house (and we're out a lot these days), I come back and he hasn't gotten out of the bed once since we left.
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 13
    I realize this is more a marriage problem than a homeschool problem. I've about had it with the constant screaming and berating and I am considering radical changes in my relationship status. I love homeschool, but I am already planning to send the kids to public school next year, and probably even spring semester, just to get them away from him, because our home environment is awful and the kids can't possibly be learning as much as they could with this hostile atmosphere.
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 14
    But I need to survive the next few months at least. How do I get us out of his way so we can do our work when he NEVER LEAVES? We go to co-op two days a week, and other days we spend at parks and the library. But I feel like I need more places to escape to. Has anyone ever rented space at a church for homeschool purposes? And am I just crazy for finding this situation untenable?? SHOULD I be doing more to make our homeschool more school-like--or am I correct in deciphering that his constant crit
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 15
    I am fine with entering my kids in public school, it's not about that. They'll thrive. I am just beyond heartbroken that our homeschool, which was so wonderful and where we made so many good memories and learned so much, is going to end this way.
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 16
    CharmingChaos33 It sounds like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders while homeschooling in a very hostile environment. Let me tell you, you are not the problem here, and you're absolutely correct that your husband's behavior has turned this into more of a marriage issue than a homeschool one. Let me assure you that what you're doing with your children—the read-alouds in pajamas, nature studies, extracurriculars—is all wonderful, valid, and beneficial for their growth. The cr
    via u/CharmingChaos33
  • 17
    Let's get one thing straight: homeschooling is about meeting the needs of your children. Kids thrive when they feel safe, loved, and engaged. You are the expert in what works for your kids, not someone who's avoiding his own responsibilities while trying to micromanage yours. The fact that your children are thriving academically, despite the challenges, is a testament to your incredible effort. And no, reading chapter books in pajamas won't stop them from "functioning in the real world"-in fact,
    via u/CharmingChaos33
  • 18
    You're right to see his sudden shift as a way of pushing you out of homeschooling while trying to save face. He's making it a no-win situation by moving the goalposts constantly. You're bending over backwards trying to accommodate his whims, but it won't fix the root issue. His behavior is likely a result of his own unhappiness, burnout, and possible , but that doesn't excuse the daily chaos and toxicity he's injecting into your home.
    via u/CharmingChaos33
  • 19
    So, what to do? First, cut yourself some slack. You've given this homeschooling experience your all, and your children are clearly better for it. If switching to public school for the next semester relieves the pressure, there's no shame in that. It doesn't mean homeschooling failed-it's just adapting to new circumstances. As for surviving the next few months, it's entirely reasonable to explore renting space at a church or community center if it gives you peace of mind and allows you to homesch
    via u/CharmingChaos33
  • 20
    Lastly, and this is a big one: You deserve support. If your husband refuses to communicate or seek help, it's okay to consider making those "radical changes" for the sake of your mental health and your children's well-being. You're an incredible mom and educator, and this situation doesn't define your worth. You're handling it far better than most could.
    via u/CharmingChaos33
  • 21
    Deep-Anywhere-7055 OP I've been sitting on the couch ugly crying since I read your comment. I wrote up all of that tonight just feeling sort of desperate to finally tell somebody what's been going on, and tossed it out like a message in a bottle. Thank you so much.
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 22
    wanderinblues This was pretty heartbreaking to read. I really feel for you and your kids. I was in an abusive relationship with the father of two of my kids, so I can tell you with utter confidence that you are being abused by your husband. This isn't a homeschool problem, or a marriage problem, it's a husband problem and your kids are witnessing (and seemingly being subjected to) abuse. Has the screaming in your face and constant criticism only been a recent thing, or have there been issues lik
    via u/wanderinblues
  • 23
    You sound like a great mother who gives everything to her family, so I hope you can see that your husband is probably causing them harm and find a way out. Document every abusive interaction, make an exit plan and leave questions. Feel free to pm me to talk or ask
    via u/wanderinblues
  • 24
    Deep-Anywhere-7055 OP He's been more or less like this since he went through cancer seven years ago. Sometimes more. Sometimes less. There were a few really good years after he went into remission. This past year he's broken items around the house in hits of rages-- always mine, never his. He called me a psycho b*tch in front of my daughter a few months ago. He screamed at my son to shut up yesterday, and made him cry. There's more. I've been writing them up. Thank you so much.
    via u/Deep-Anywhere-7055
  • 25
    AlwaysABoss He's taking out his frustrations and using the homeschool as an outlet. If you stopped homeschooling, he would find an alternative. This needs deep marriage counselling and he needs to be mentored by a mature husband.
    via u/AlwaysABoss

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school depressed toxic-husband elementary school kids crazy things parents say lazy wife bad parenting husband wfh homeschooling little kids homeschool education parents
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